today is without a doubt, one of the worst saturdays of my entire damned life. i. f*cking HATE it. i really hate it. REALLY hate it.

firstly, having to wake up at 8.15am on a saturday is fu*king ridiculous. went to school for that SHIT mazarin leadership teambuilding SCREWED UP programme. even pushed tuition for it. bloody hell. i'd rather spend my time at mr lim's tuition than go for this stupid programme. yes. that's what i think it is. you disagree, that's not my problem. everyone has a right to his/her own opinion. why, you may ask. reason is, its a FU*KING WASTE OF TIME and i do not believe that anyone should impose any sort of mindset as to "how a good leader should be like".

so went there, did some totally useless stuff like team values and ground rules. particularly hate groundrules. i resent it. hate it. SO. WHAT. groundrules should NEVER be treated as rules. it should not be worshipped like some bible. the leader who sticks incesently to groundrules is a rigid inflexible person which in effect makes him a poor leader. besides, being bound by rules will cause the team to never go beyond a certain boundary. groundrules should hence be treated as guidelines, not as rules. thus, to have a penalty for defaulting on a groundrule is in my opinion, typical of.... *********, that is stupid. secondly, the overemphasis on time. 2 minutes, 3 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 1 hour. bullshit. forcing people to crap in a limited time period results in, well, results in crap.

so after crapping about those shit stuff, we had an activity. FUC*ING tug of war. yes. u read right. tug-of-war. that STUPID ASS game. and guess what, we had to do that, under the FUC*KING BLAZING SUN, for.. i dunno.. FIFTEEN GOD DAMNED TIMES? by the time it ended, BOTH my hands felt COMPLETELY RAW. it HURTS EVEN TO WASH IT. i cant even CLENCH a fist without feeling that STINGING PAIN. you call that a FUC*ING MEASURE OF COMMITMENT AND DIFFICULTY? I CALL THAT TORTURE. the biology students have a LECTURE TEST ON TUESDAY FOR FU**S SAKE. how the HELL are we supposed to write when our hands feel like they are made of JELLY. and it HURTS to even hold a pen! what, i guess what most of the people will say, terence, its not only you. everyone of us are feeling that. you dont see us complaining. well, here's my take on it. you dont wanna complain, that's not my problem. i dont think you have the right to tell me that i cannot complain. so back off. by this time, i was hating the programme and whoever who forced me to go through it to the guts.

so after an extremely short lunch, we had to go back and listen to more crap. but then i started to have stomach cramps. i never felt happier about being in pain in my life. i wanted to just say that i want to see a doctor and LEAVE right there and then. but then i thought, that would be wasting my entire morning. so i just went to rest. and when i recovered, we got back in the activities. some crisis stuff. and it ended with some drama.

and after that, we had yet another activity. yay. *rolls eyes* we had to go throw hoops onto a stick. but with a whole bunch of fuc*ked up rules. seriously puts a strain on my body EVEN MORE. isnt this supposed to be a teambuilding programme? WHY THE FUC* HAS IT TURNED INTO SOME BOOT CAMP. HUH! i was SO TIRED FROM SQUATTING, THROWING, RUNNING. i cant even imagine walking to the busstop. so i cabbed home.

to find, that my mom utterly DESTROYED MY ROOM! ITS IN A TOTAL COMPLETE FUC*ING MESS. ALL MY POSSESSIONS were STREWN on the floor. the books and files in my cabinet... UTTERLY DISORGANISED. i looked at it, and screamed. i almost cried. i'm already so tired. and now i have to REPACK MY FREAKING ROOM AND HANG THE CURTAINS. DO I LOOK LIKE I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE FU*KING WORLD! and when i tried to fix the mess, THE CUPBOARD WAS STUCK. i spent SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY TRYING TO MOVE THE STUPID CABINET AWAY. and i'm ALREADY SO FUC*ING TIRED. WHAT THE HELL DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE SUCH A THING. so by now most of the people who are reading this would be thinking, that's such a lousy attitude. WELL, FUC* ATTITUDE. THIS IS ME AND THAT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE JUST CUZ OF SOME STUPID PROGRAMME. on TOP OF THAT, i have to STUDY FOR BIOLOGY TEST. WHERE MAY I ASK WILL I FIND THE TIME AND ENERGY TO DO THAT? HUH? HOW THE FUC* AM I SUPPOSED TO PERFORM, WHEN I'M PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DRAINED PERPETUALLY? i. HATE. this SHIT!

and to think i still haf this for TOMORROW. HOW TO STUDY FOR BIOLOGY TEST. if you ask me, i will put studying above this crap. i really will. and why? because i believe that you can learn to be a leader in your everyday life. you can learn to handle these situations in your everyday life. you make mistakes, sure. but you get back up and move. on. it is not possible to learn to be a leader. you have to choose to be one, and work towards it by yourself. what sort of leader are you if you follow whatever the people tells you a good leader is? if you ask me, that is what i call, a follower.

and if you want me to judge myself, i think i am a terrible leader. if you define a good leader the way they are portraying it to us in the programme. maybe someday i'll decide to become a great leader. but right now, i'm tired. i'm very very tired. i'm in serious pain. and i'm seriously pissed.