i love how my dear GP tutor (who refuses to be mentioned in blogs) comes into class on a random day and slaps us in the face with the cold, harsh reality. if there is one person who can give a decent wake up call, its her. how amazing... and admirable. anyway, she came in today and instead of doing the gandhi passage, it turned into an exam skills lesson. followed by one rather entertaining pep(?) talk. why the question mark? cuz its kinda demoralizing... worrying.. as well.

i mean, besides telling us that we are the type that have GOT to study hard to sound smart... and saying that we still have problems with our basic grammar which is extremely worrying, she has this wonderful ability to hit home the ultimate message. "you have 5 months to go. 5 months. its time to start studying. really. time to be worried." thanks woman. great choice of words. i dont know. what all the teachers are saying is very true. u gotta work hard for ur grade. u're gonna slip up once u're complacent. and i think that's what i've been this year. extremely complacent. no actually it started second half of last year. dangerous time to slack off as my bestie fabian once said. could agree more... but the dangerous thing is, i dont seem to be putting much effort into changing anything. and i think i know why. well. not gonna be sharing that here... as a side note... i'm quite amazed at how this is supposed to be... a form of "online journal"... a diary, if you may. but it is just completely impossible to record down everything that i REALLY want to type down because of self censorship. or because there are things so dark and secret that you just cant have anyone else know.

going back to my main topic. the big frightening As. i guess the important thing now.. is to wake up and smell the shit stirring. i'm already having tests every single week. shouldnt that be a sign that something serious is going to happen? and what about june... if we break it down. we only have june and september before the final terror. its gonna be hell. all the way. every, single hour of everyday. this is definitely not a good time to have your body clock completely screwed upside down, inside out. in fact, its extremely dangerous. so like what my GP teacher said. "make this the worst 5-6 months of ur life. come march next year... if ur results are good, who's to complain.".... but what i think really hit me was.... "remember... you've all already gotten an 'A'. how does it feel? intoxicating isnt it...." i cannot describe the feeling. intoxicating..... definitely. even MORE so when it is almost TANGIBLE. now that....... is something worth suffering for.

but u look around. you see people... friends... who has completely given up all vestiges of a life for studying. how do you feel? sad? scared? pressured? even... condescending? or like me.... all of the above.... they scare me........

which is probably why it is best.... to, finally, let the games... begin.........