today's one of the last days of my freedom. starting next week i will be ending school at a ridiculously late time every single day. if my memory serves me right, the earliest day i will have is tuesday which ends at 5pm. honestly, i don't think the school gets it. we are teenagers. our brains cease to function in the afternoon. ESPECIALLY after a whole morning and afternoon in school. now we even have to go for extra lessons in the late afternoon? i GET that they need to finish the syllabus. but do they really need the EXTRA hours in addition to our normal curriculum time which is ALREADY insane to begin with? i believe they think that we can "study in school". there is something that they just CANNOT wrap their brains around, and that is that some students are UNABLE to study productively in school. its hot, its UNCOMFORTABLE, its DRAINING. if you look at the whole picture, it will be a total waste of time and it is totally INEFFICIENT.

but school work is not going to be the main point of this post. i had a rare day off today and i had to go to MMI for a check up for EIA. since i'm bound by law to go, its not like as if i can just REFUSE. but i realized that being a medic in MMI is not that bad a vocation. i suppose. anyway, after that test, i had to go back for YET ANOTHER test. i dont know why but they seem to be dragging their feet about determining my PES. it'll make their lives easier to just listen to me and put me in PES C. so i have another appointment next week. oh man the people in MMI are beginning to recognize and know me. the guy at registration was like "oh you have another appointment?!" sighs. this is taking up so much of my time. but whatever.

i was originally planning to go out tonight with some people. but that obviously did not work out. sighs. there isnt any point going out on my own too. i mean... you want to walk around in singapore to shop? what is there to shop? nothing. and its not THAT long ago since i returned from HK. the change in standard is quite drastic and difficult for me to adjust immediately. i'm a spoilt brat. i know. so i ended up sleeping my time away. a perfectly good day gone to waste. the last of its kind. but nevermind. i get it. everyone has their own life to live. its not like everyone's lives have to revolve around mine. so it's ok. i guess. but i cant help but feel like i'm kinda... "left hanging".

anyway, i seem to have adjusted my biological clock to fit american time perfectly. which simply means that i'm sleeping during the day and away during the night in singapore when things should obviously be the other way around. ha, looks like i can move to new york and not suffer from a jet lag at all. this probably has something to do with the fact that i probably had less than a total of 8 hours of sleep for the past week.

i'm falling again. is that a good thing? that's the question isnt it. should i just let that happen, even though i'm fully aware of the risks and the consequences or.... should i stop myself. and build those walls once more.

sighs. there's so much more under the surface.