oh my god terence. what on earth is the matter with you?!?!! this kinda thing should NOT be happening to you! what the hell were you THINKING?!!! just because its subconscious doesnt excuse you from anything! AHH! you need to freaking GET. A. GRIP!

i canNOT believe that actually happened to me. it's absolutely effing RIDICULOUS! i mean... it's just FREAKIN me out man! you CAN'T do that... maybe a long time ago yes. but NOT NOW! this is SO not right!

but in my defence... i have no control over such things. it just happens. AND... i'm seventeen for heaven's sakes. it just HAPPENS. it's totally... well... not TOTALLY... but it's natural! all those freaking chemical messengers pratically saturating ur blood vessels. scary hormones. but oh gosh. HONESTLY... what were you thinking boy!

i can't believe i had a dream like that. it's just so... uncharacteristic of me. i was so freaking stunned by it when i woke up, i was practically close to being in shock. in fact... i was kinda like on auto pilot from the moment i woke up till i reached school. just doing things routinely without paying much attention to what i was doing. it was THAT freaky.

oh god... the DETAILS... that's what is scary people. the feeling... the sounds... the smells... the sight. just the taste that's missing. but oh god. i thought that sight and sound are the only senses which you can experience in a dream! this is unbelievably insane! ok fine. in normal circumstances, i would not be reacting so violently... but now, this is just plain WRONG! i mean... granted i probably thought about it once in a while but it has never gone this far before. and the worse thing is... even if i'm supposed to dream about weird things like this... the... object should be a totally different thing!

ok. i'm calming down. man... fantasy is a scary thing isnt it. it's just a total deviation from... reality... and honestly, i'm pretty damn satisfied with reality.

i need to get over this. it's f**king unbelievable. and even though my stupid subconscious seems to be saying otherwise, what i have... in REAL time... is more than good enough. thank you very much.

p.s: i'm probably not going to remember what this post is about. not that i WANT to... it's my.. little secret.