i am high on STARBUCKS caramel macchiato! even though it's been HOURS since i finished my venti iced caramel macchiato which is amazing. haha. i think i found three drinks i like in starbucks now... greentea, mocha, caramel macchiato. love them all. damn it. i was so high on the caffeine my hand was practically shaking. haha. maybe people sensitve to caffeine should ust BACK AWAY from the caffeine right? NO.

SO. today, i went out with fabian to watch mamma mia cuz everyone else watched it! haha.. it's a great show. love it. meryl streep is AMAZING as usual. i just LOVE her. and the damn old abba songs... haha... it's quite nice! anyways, before i did that i went out and did part of my chem worksheet while fabian ate his lunch. and after that... we went walking around for a while before going for dinner at ding tai fung... i was kinda full but i managed to eat a bowl of noodles AND xiao long baoS! hahaha... and AFTER that we walked back to lido... and we got popcorn and i got my STARBUCKS! yeah. so i'm fat. whatever!

ok.... actually it's not whatever... sighs... i really really hate the feeling of this kinda shitty self esteem issue. seriously. it's like.. it makes me really unhappy with what i am now... i mean... i dont exactly HATE myself... well.. i do.. on some very real level. but... i dont DETEST myself.. i'm just not happy with myself. it gets really tough when... you see others... and part of you just wishes really badly to be even half of what they are. i know what fabian said is true........ "don change for the sake of others or society can......" i just KNOW. but it's really getting to me.... and it's making me feel really... inferior.

and on a different note..... i've been listening to some of demi lovato's new songs on youtube lately. get back.. 2 worlds collide.. blahblah.. but i like... until you're mine the most... why? well... why would people like a particular song? besides the music and beat and voice.... "until you're mine, not gonna be, even close to complete. i wont rest until - you're mine." sighs.....

wishing for it to become reality...