I'm on one of my rollercoaster moods again. Honestly, I have no idea WHY I even have the time to THINK about anything other than the A levels which is taking up 99.9% of my life at the moment (god, I pray for November 20th to be over ASAP!) but somehow I manage to let my thoughts run wild. You gotta admit, this is definitely more important than market failure. So here I am, blogging when I have tonnes of other stuff to do. I swear, I need to finish at LEAST one chem paper tomorrow before I take the paper. Damn it I Hate Econs with a passion.

ENOUGH with the academic talk. F*ck it. I just realized that there is a very, very fine line between the feeling of content, and pure searing pain. It's actually extremely similar. Your fingertips tingle, your heart beats faster. One major, obvious difference though, one freaking hurts. Amazing how one can feel like as if something has broken inside, when you know that everything is working perfectly fine physically. Just this afternoon when I woke up I was feeling on top of the world (well, not exactly... but feeling good nonetheless) and in a matter of hours, my heart feels like it's being squeezed. Won't say why. It's complicated. Well, it's complicated not because something is actually wrong, but because I probably did some over-thinking and exacerbated the whole thing. Am I making sense? Lol. Well, even if you DO know what I'm talking about (yeah you know who you are if you're reading this... so don't ask ok?) I don't think you'll make any sense out of this because it's totally, unjustified? Meaning it's all in my head, hopefully......

It would help if I can actually let it out. But right now, I'm not entirely sure how horrible I must feeling before that happens. Don't you just like it when you're a kid... it's so easy to just cry when you're unhappy, or upset, or in pain. As time passes and we all grow up, I find it increasingly difficult to do that. Maybe because of the complexity of the emotions or the freaking situation you're in? Maybe it's because you're older now, and it takes more to break you? Or maybe it's just that you don't want to let your heart win. Either way, as long as I don't let it out, it just builds inside and smarts. Ouch...

- three words, eight letters. say it... i'm yours.