today is the day where i did a lot of things. the most important thing was of course to meet my bestie XJ who just booked out for the very first time after 2 weekends of confinement on hell island. poor thing... everyone who goes in seems to get sick. a few reasons... the feng shui of that place is extremely bad, the living conditions is sub-par and the lifestyle there is unhealthy. well the most simple reason is that i call it hell island for a reason.

regardless of what's going on in that offshore island, a lot of stuff is going on in mainland too. woke up real early to go see my dermatologist... waited for a very very long time before seeing him for about 5 minutes... had lunch with my mom... then i met a friend for him to pass me back something... the songs in it is SO much better than what u actually hear in those stupid clubs. and then i went home for a while.. and went out for a movie and dinner with my besties... watched confessions of a shopaholic which is actually quite a good movie... well worth the money i think... at least... it's definitely not a waste of 8 bucks.

anyways, it's what happened after the movie that is what i consider.... significant. saw some things that i wish i did not see... that it is not serious. just so i can still hope for a shot at it. sighs... this is so strange... it's been a while. if it was what my dear friend said it was it should have evaporated into nothingness long ago... but it hasnt. too bad... that seems to work on a one way traffic basis. sighs. i guess that's the price for being... scattered and... greedy? though in my defence, i rarely experience this.

that aside, i broke a rule i intended to honour and abide by strictly just for my best friend. but i suppose it was worth it... although i have to admit... i do feel slightly guilty. but now i shall remain resolute in my decision. this is going to stop. because i cannot afford this. seriously terence. you need to get a grip and control yourself or else you will suffer from the devastating consequences. this will stop right now. whatever others say, you must remain firm and not succumb to temptation. no matter how lucrative it sounds. Terence, get a grip. learn from your role model cuz that's what they are there for. the later u start to change... the deeper u go in that downward spiral of self destruction. that said, i am doing this because of my friend. it's important this time. but enough is enough. Enough, is Enough.

sometimes i wonder why am i doing this to myself. it's quite masochistic. why cant i just be satisfied with what i have around me instead of going to look for other things to make myself more content? it's pointless and harmful. worst of all, often i do not get the satisfaction i hope to get. instead, i get a huge gaping hole in my wallet and my poor bank account. why do that... when you have everything you ever wanted... in the computer? free of charge.

- is it real or just another crush?