there is a price to pay. someone's going to fall ill soon.

i have to admit, i am in some sort of trance right now. because of what just happened. was it good? was it bad? was it something i will regret for the rest of my life? none of the above i guess. it's no big deal. that's what it is. i just need to write it down so that i actually believe what i think. i mean, it's not exactly like as if i did everything in my power to avoid such a thing from happening right? in fact, i guess on some subconscious level i actually wanted it. just... not in this particular way. an unexpected surprise. that's for sure. but like my sister said... for that to happen you must be a willing party. i think the best way to deal with this and get myself to snap out of this bizarre scenario is to just forget about it and move on. blame it on bad music and spirits.

there is one stinging question that truly jolted me back to my conscious state of mind, "Why didn't you push away?" Excellent question. and one which i've got many answers to. like i said, it's no big deal. just going with the flow of events. however, despite that, i do wonder as well. i knew exactly what was going on. i could have avoided it if i wanted to. it was completely out of character - completely. it was kinda totally uncalled for and in total contradiction with the reason why i was out in the first place. and the most important reason of all i cannot bring myself to type it for the world to see on my blog. So Why didn't I push away? because i didn't want to?

well at least i got to know my friend a lot better... hahaha... that's definitely a plus. :) and we shall both remain firm in our decision to follow through the great detox plan. yessss.. hahaha...

i seem to feel slightly upset about this though. i have to admit it. it was weird... location... people... behaviours. definitely not how imagined it to be like. if only one of the factors were different... haha... oh wells... when i reached home and turned on my computer to blog, or at least try to blog before i got so tired i just had to stop and crash, i felt this slight twang of... guilt(?). almost like that feeling when you think you have betrayed someone's trust... u get what i mean? but like i said, it's nothing. and i shall officially dismiss it. it has never happened yet. not the way it's meant to. (man i've been watching the last episode of Charmed WAY too many times.)

tonight was far from what i expected. at the end of the day, it was all good fun... good company... bad music... weirdness... and i declare that there Will be No Repeats.

- i got so brave, drink in hand; lost my discretion.