my mood has been rather erratic lately. sometimes i feel very happy... other times i feel... i won't use the word "sad" to describe this. i feel, insecure and low? and every instinct i have is screaming at me to just shut myself down and live in denial. slam the freaking door in all those things' face. but what good does that do besides seperating myself from the problem? doesnt mean that the problem would cease to exist now does it. sometimes you just have to listen to your brain instead of your heart. especially given the volatility of my emotions lately.
life as a non-mechanic has been considerably peaceful. but hopefully i get posted as a clerk to a camp that is nearer to my house. then again, maybe i dont hope that. wow am i confused or what? i do find the food there much better than in tekong though. that's definitely a plus... and i think i like it there... the freedom is a nice change and going to orchard everyday on my way home doesn't suck too bad too! haha... now i understand why fabian says that camp is "cool". then again, walking around that place, i am afraid that people look, but they do not see. even though i hope that they do. or they'll bump into other people or even lamp-posts - how humiliating.
i really have no idea why i'm having such internal conflicts again. i can only guess. and my guess is, my own anticipation and nerves about a very important interview in 2 days which i don't know if i am prepared for. btw, when i start to ramble like that, it is usually a top sign that i'm freaking out, big time. but again, that defence mechanism is trying to take control again. it's really starting to annoy me. because all i want to do is just close my eyes and go to somewhere very very very far away. my great escape into the unknown. seriously, this kinda pms makes me think that i'm slightly bipolar. hmmmm.. maybe i should tell the MO about this so i can visit IMH as a patient. HAHA. it does seem like one of the more often-heard-acronyms of late...
wonder why this is affecting me more than it should. maybe because for the first time, it actually has the potential of being something corporeal.
- my heart is, so confused.