It's the fourth - no, fifth day of the lunar new year. People in China are still enjoying a nice long break. Relishing in festivities and merry-making. Exchanging auspicious blessings of longevity and prosperity. Just a couple of days ago, I too was happily collecting little envelopes of money. Some from strangers who scarcely know my name. I can't help but wonder, traditions aside, who is truly willing to part with cold hard cash in return for empty words?

Don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not complaining about the money; who does? Besides, I really did look forward to the break from camp. I think that is one thing I just can't get enough of. There's just one little thing that consistently pops up in the back of my head while I snack on pineapple tarts and wolf down high-caloric meals. Tick-tock, tick-tock. It's late. Winter is changing to Spring. But for now, the sun offers little warmth in a land of snow.

"Absense makes the heart grow fonder. But out of sight, out of mind?"

Such insecurity; it's unbecoming.

"What's to celebrate when something more important is sacrificed?"

How pathetic.

Ridiculous isn't it? This is what I call fucked up. Still I choose to remain in Wonderland and forbidden half-fantasies. Half-reality. Hoping that one day the two worlds will collide. As for right now, the only exception probably remains an exception. Afterall, everyone gets busy with work... and time is of the essense. Right?

Surely, nineteen is wiser than fifteen?

-i keep waiting...